Ponderings on the nature of spiritual abuse

Several people have posted articles in their blogs about spiritual abuse. I have been thinking about a lot of things in this area lately - have read some news articles that make me want to knock people up side their heads and ask them what they are thinking. (Example) But in the end, I think many people are completely ignorant of even the idea - the concept - of spiritual abuse. So, what does spiritual abuse look like? How can it be recognized for what it is? 

At first, I thought I would describe what abuse is, in general. Then follow up with what spiritual abuse is. All very ship shape and Bristol fashion. Then I thought, Bah! I'm just going to write from the heart - about what I have experienced and seen - and let you decide if you can recognize spiritual abuse from that. I think that abuse, in its many forms, is in essence all about control - about the need to control someone else to feed your own needs. Spiritual abuse is no exception. 

Hmm... abuse has been around since the beginning. In thinking about it, all abuse is spiritual in nature because it is an attempt to control the very essence of who someone is - their inner self - their real self - their spirit. It is when someone makes the judgment that someone is less valuable than they are and then communicates that judgment to them in some way. It is demeaning someone in order to elevate yourself. I could easily get diverted here, but I want to address spiritual abuse in the church (or home) or maybe, more accurately, religious abuse. 

I think this (religious abuse) is basically misrepresenting God in order to control someone's behavior - get them to follow you, do what you want. Hmm... I think, in a very real sense, some of the church's methods of evangelism are spiritually abusive - at least in the church I grew up in. How is telling someone what a terrible person they are not abusive?

Anyway, back to inside the church. Hmm... to teach people that God has a standard of conduct in thought, word and action, that He measures us all by and that we must strive to measure up to this or we might 'slide backwards and become heathen reprobates who hate God' is abusive. Well, they might not put it exactly like that, but it is the underlying thought - fear - programming. The truth is, I can't blame anyone who does not want to serve a god like that. I don't want to serve a god like that. Thank God, I don't. :-)

I think spiritual abuse is anything that gets in the way of our ability to have a real relationship with Jesus and our Father. There are, then, many levels of spiritual abuse. Many are not deliberate or premeditated. But some are. So, in my opinion, it is spiritual abuse when...

• ... you are attacked and or chastised for honestly questioning.
• ... you are made to feel inferior to the leadership of a church/ministry.
• ... you are told that you have to follow a list of rules to be saved/make it to heaven/be favored of God and man.
• ... you are told that you must go through a church/ministry leader in order to receive from God
• ... you are told what you can and cannot watch/read/eat/listen to/like.
• ... you are told that if you don't give in the offering regularly, you are not a real Christian.
• ... you are told you need to clean yourself up before God will accept you.
• ... you are told that anger is a sin.
• ... you are required to do anything that you have objected to.
• ... you are told that God wants you to have sex with the pastor/minister - that it is His will.
• ... you are told that if you leave this church/ministry, you will be vulnerable to deception and attack.
• ... you are told who you can and cannot be friends with.
• ... you are told who you can and cannot marry.
• ... you are expected to lie and cover up the misconduct of the pastors/ministry leaders against your own conscience.
• ... you are told you have to beat righteousness into your children.
• ... you are physically hurt in any way.
• ... you are told that you have to submit to abuse because God's laws are more important that your safety.
• ... you are made to feel guilty for not measuring up to the church's standards.
• ... you are told to shun friends who have left the church.

Well, that's the beginning of a list. I think you get the idea. Fear and greed and pride are at the heart of spiritual abuse (as all abuse). Hmm... I feel like there is more to this, but it is not coming, so I will post this for now and welcome your comments and thoughts and additions to the list.