Hmm... it is such an odd space I find myself in.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Wow, it's been a while since I posted. A lot going on. Sometimes the processing is hard to put into words.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Hmm... Ever since I wrote the last post, this has been in my mind. I guess because it is foundational to how I view parents... Here's the thing...
"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This is not a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your little boy asks for a serving of fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? If your little girl asks for an egg, do you trick her with a spider? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing - you're at least decent to your own children. And don't you think the father who conceived you in love will give the Holy Spirit when you ask him?" Luke 11:10-13 (Message)
Sunday, October 26, 2008
"But regarding anything beyond this, dear friend, go easy. There is no end to the publishing of books, and constant study wears you out so you're no good for anything else. The last and final word is this: Fear God. Do what he tells you. And that's it. Eventually God will bring everything that we do out in the open and judge it according to its hidden intent, whether it's good or evil." Ecclesiastes 12:12-14 (Message)
"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This is not a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your little boy asks for a serving of fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? If your little girl asks for an egg, do you trick her with a spider? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing - you're at least decent to your own children. And don't you think the Father who conceived you in love will give the Holy Spirit when you ask him?" Luke 11:10-13 (Message)
"Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.]" Colossians 3:21 (Amplified)
Friday, October 17, 2008
Hmm... It's 2 in the morning and I can't sleep. This has been kind of rolling around n my head for a while, but tonight, it is keeping me awake - at least I think it's what's keeping me awake. "This" is the idea that we have disappointed God.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I just wanted to let you all know I am still here. I am going through a period of internal processing that isn't easy to put into words and separate into individual thoughts. Posting may be pretty sporadic for a while. I will post again - just not sure when and how often in the immediate. Thank you all for your kind words of support, they have helped - continue to help. Hmm... funny how I'm suddenly shy about anting to tell you all what's going on. Ah, well. Basically, now that I am out of the familial environment, the internal issues from the sexual abuse are coming back to the forefront and the little girl wants to come out of the cellar (see posts on survival, awareness & breaking free in April, 2008). And that is going to take a lot of energy, I think. When I am up to it, I will post what's going on, but if there is a gap of time between posts, know that I am not gone - just working... thank you all, again, for your support. You are amazing.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I just wanted to let you all know about a new site called Rahab's Kitchen. It is a place to come and sit and have a cup of coffee and just talk - share - encourage each other. Check it out if you want. You'll probably find me popping in out, having a cup of tea and some cookies...
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Hmm... this is something that was brought to my attention a few weeks ago. And it is pissing me off. And the Institutional Church wonders why people are leaving - why people don't trust them.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Well, tonight is my sixth night in my new apartment. The numb is beginning to wear off. And I find myself crying tonight.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Well, I am sitting in my new apartment. The last 2 days seem like a bit of a whirlwind. Everything is moved. There's a lot of unpacking and organizing to do (ha), but everything I own is now in this place and no one else is.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Well, I got a job today. One that pays enough to live on. YAY!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
I just know Jesus is the WayI just know Jesus is the TruthI just know Jesus is the LifeI just know Jesus is my GodWhat makes you different from one another?Why do you argue about who you follow?There is no man that you belong toThere's only one God that can claim youI don't care if you speak in tonguesI don't care if you're into submersionWhat does it matter if you wear a liturgical robeOr prophesy and say that God said soI just know Jesus is the WayI just know Jesus is the TruthI just know Jesus is the LifeI just know Jesus is my GodDo you serve your name or do you serve mankind?Would you feel the same if they took down your sign?Could you sit next to me if I was Baptist or Presbyterian?Or do I need to be a Charismatic or Episcopalian?I don't care if you drink grape juice or if it's wineAnd I don't care if you get out of church on timeWhat does it matter if you praise God with music in your church?Or you burn you dead or bury them six feet in the dirt?I just know Jesus is the WayI just know Jesus is the TruthI just know Jesus is the LifeI just know Jesus is my GodI don't care if you clap your handsI don't care if you get out in the isle and danceWhat's it matter if someone lets out a hallelujah shout?have we forgotten what praising Yahweh is all about?(Disciple - I Just Know)
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Hey, I am still here. Just wanted to let you all know I may not post much for the next couple of weeks. I have to be out of where I am living in 2 weeks and I still need to get approved for where I am moving to... and find a job that pays enough to live on... and continue to deal with the emotional fallout from coming to terms with past abuse.... and I am a little fried, a little tired, and a little scared. Prayers would be appreciated. ;-)
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
"At 2 years 10 months, she can go all day without an accident. But 3/4 of the time is either lazy or stubborn. Even whippings with a belt don't help."
"5 months old. Her grandmothers spoil her rotten. She sometimes cries when I put her down."
When you're weary, feeling small,When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;I'm on your side, Oh, when times get roughAnd friends just can't be found,Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.Like a bridge over troubled water,I will lay me down.
When you're down and out, when you're on the street,When evening falls so hard I will comfort you.I'll take your part, Oh, when darkness comesAnd pain is all around,Like a bridge over troubled waterI will lay me down.Like a bridge over troubled waterI will lay me down.
Sail on silver girl, sail on by.Your time has come to shine. All your dreams are on their way.See how they shine, Oh, if you need a friendI'm sailing right behind.Like a bridge over troubled waterI will ease your mind.Like a bridge over troubled waterI will ease your mind.
"O taste and see that the Lord [our God] is good! Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts and takes refuge in Him." Psalm 34:8 (Amplified)
"And because you [really] are [His] sons, God has sent the [Holy] Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, Abba, (Father!) Father!" Galatians 4:6 (Amplified)
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Several people have posted articles in their blogs about spiritual abuse. I have been thinking about a lot of things in this area lately - have read some news articles that make me want to knock people up side their heads and ask them what they are thinking. (Example) But in the end, I think many people are completely ignorant of even the idea - the concept - of spiritual abuse. So, what does spiritual abuse look like? How can it be recognized for what it is?
- ... you are attacked and or chastised for honestly questioning.
- ... you are made to feel inferior to the leadership of a church/ministry.
- ... you are told that you have to follow a list of rules to be saved/make it to heaven/be favored of God and man.
- ... you are told that you must go through a church/ministry leader in order to receive from God
- ... you are told what you can and cannot watch/read/eat/listen to/like.
- ... you are told that if you don't give in the offering regularly, you are not a real Christian.
- ... you are told you need to clean yourself up before God will accept you.
- ... you are told that anger is a sin.
- ... you are required to do anything that you have objected to.
- ... you are told that God wants you to have sex with the pastor/minister - that it is His will.
- ... you are told that if you leave this church/ministry, you will be vulnerable to deception and attack.
- ... you are told who you can and cannot be friends with.
- ... you are told who you can and cannot marry.
- ... you are expected to lie and cover up the misconduct of the pastors/ministry leaders against your own conscience.
- ... you are told you have to beat righteousness into your children.
- ... you are physically hurt in any way.
- ... you are told that you have to submit to abuse because God's laws are more important that your safety.
- ... you are made to feel guilty for not measuring up to the church's standards.
- ... you are told to shun friends who have left the church.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Wow. I have been meaning to post for days. I have several things floating around, wanting to be written. ;-)
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
When Jesus was in the court of Pontius Pilate, Pilate asked Him if he was a king. Jesus' response included the statement that He came to the world to be a witness to the truth and that those who cared for truth would know His voice. To this, Pilate said, "What is truth?" (John 18:37-38) Or, to quote from Jesus Christ Superstar,
"But what is truth?Is truth unchanging law?We both have truths.Are mine the same as yours?"
"Then Jesus turned to the Jews who had claimed to believe in him. "If you stick with this, living out what I tell you, you are my disciples for sure. Then you will experience for yourselves the truth and the truth will free you.""
* Witchcraft: The attempt to manipulate and control someone else's mind and/or will.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
There are many lingering effects of abuse. Abuse messes with our entire perception of the world. It messes with our entire perception of ourselves. This week, I unexpectedly came face-to-face with one of those effects...
"Hi Katherine,Sometimes my mind will wonder around and then settle on somebody and that is the person I'm praying for. At the moment, that person is you. And all I'm getting from our Father is that He likes you a lot. I'll pray that this will become a anchor in your life.God bless"
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Hmm... I've spent a lot of time the last couple of weeks reading a lot of different blogs - a very broad spectrum of religious beliefs. I've seen a lot of anger and humor and making fun of 'the other ones.' And I've also seen some serious and thoughtful attempts at dialogue and understanding. All this has been rolling around in my subconscious, I guess. Today, it started coalescing. I realized that we are still very concerned about who is on whose side. And the question followed... So... who do you follow?
"I have a serious concern to bring up wth you, my friends, using the authority of Jesus, our Master. I'll put it as urgently as I can: You must get along with each other. You must learn to be considerate of one another, cultivating a life in common.I bring this up because some from Chloe's family brought a most disturbing report to my attention - that you're fighting among yourselves! I'll tell you exactly what I was told: You're all picking sides, going around saying, "I'm on Paul's side," or "I'm for Apollos," or "Peter is my man," or "I'm in the Messiah group."I ask you, "Has the Messiah been chopped up in little pieces so we can each have a relic all our own? Was Paul crucified for you? Was a single one of you baptized in Paul's name?" I was not involved with any of your baptisms - except for Crispus and Gaius - and on getting this report, I'm sure glad I wasn't. At least no one can go around saying he was baptized in my name. (Come to think of it, I also baptized Stephanas's family, but as far as I can recall, that's it.)God didn't send me out to collect a following for myself, but to preach the message of what He has done, collecting a following for Him. And He didn't send me to do it with a lot of fancy rhetoric of my own, lest the powerful action at the center - Christ on the Cross - be trivialized into mere words." 1 Corinthians 1:10-17 (Message)
Sunday, May 25, 2008
A friend has said this recently, after returning to the church I left: "I know he made some mistakes, but I have to go there. The teaching is so good." This makes me cry. It is a wedge pushing that friend and I apart. I don't want to hear what he is preaching and she doesn't want to hear that he is dangerous. It is a huge ugly elephant in the room with us that overshadows any other attempts at conversation.