Saturday, December 6, 2008

Odd Space...

Hmm... it is such an odd space I find myself in.


My sister is moved back as of Thursday. And I don't know how I feel about that. Trepidatious? Haven't seen her yet, but we've talked on the phone a few times.

Hmm... My friend told me today that she had heard that someone we know is thinking of starting a church. She talked to him and he said that it had been prophesied over him and that he is thinking about it, but he doesn't have a clear picture yet, and all he is planning right now is maybe starting some meetings once a month starting in January. And Something much akin to hope rose inside and is scaring the crap out of me.

As I was leaving her house, she was talking with her sister and cousin about going to church in the morning. And a part of me is a little jealous of that desire. But.... 

So on the way home, I stopped at the liquor store and got a 6 pack of Guinness Draught. And although I am tempted to get plastered, I will stop at one. My friend want s to go to church and I want a beer....

So why am I hopeful... excited, even, about this person starting a group of meetings? Hmm... well, from what I know of him, he has a ton of integrity and not a lot of ego... great mix for a leader, eh? And the idea of the possibility of a community that I might actually be able to almost trust... yet I am afraid my expectations are too high and I will get pulled in and burned... again. 

What the hell? I don't know what Papa's got cooking, but, please, don't let me get suckered again. 

12 comments:

Mike said...

I think that you should definitely give the meetings a chance. At least you'll be going in with hindsight; a gift that not many have.

Anonymous said...

You might give one meeting a chance. See how you respond. If you're prone to triggers, bring a trusted friend with you, and walk carefully. And know that God is present with you.

Black Sheep said...

I have visited your blog several times, but I've never commented. Your resources have been very helpful in dealing with a friend. (I guess former, now.)

Anyway, about 5 months ago we left our church of 8 years. There were a lot of things going on there that simply aren't right. It was very painful, and still is since I've tried to remain in touch with some people. Now I"m pretty well just breaking all the ties. Trying to stay connected isn't working.

Much to our surprise, we have found a place to go.
The leaders of the new church have been badly burned by church as we know it, and they do things very differently. They basically bought an old K Mart with the proceeds of their business sale, and they don't take a salary. There's no membership, no heirarchy, etc. They've been meeting 3 years, and already about 1400 people come. They don't advertise or solicit in any way. So far it's very refreshing, but I'm not getting emotionally attached. I just feel like it will be good while it lasts, but most human institutions eventually become infected with too much humanity, so we'll just enjoy it while it's like this. If and when it changes, we will probably not be seeking out any more church experiences. Sigh.

It looks like you've been through an awful lot. You seem very strong. Hang in there. If you have the desire, try out the new community. You have a lot of insight, so you can trust your gut.

Thanks for sharing on your blog. You've been a big help to me.

Valorosa said...

The one who is thinking of starting a church group will eventually disappoint you. He can do nothing else ... he is only a man.

We disappoint ourselves let alone expecting others not to disappoint us.

So if you begin to go ... go in with the knowledge that this is a group of very imperfect people even though they want something better.

It is good that they want something better but that won't stop all the ordinary human screw ups that go on in any group.

I don't write this to defer your feelings of hope ... just some food for thought.

Maybe if you expect disappointment it will be easier on you to get involved ??

Katherine Gunn said...

MIke~

Thanks - I am planning to...

Anon~

I am planning that, too. :-)

Katherine Gunn said...

Black Sheep~

Thank you for the reminder that I can trust my gut. yeah. And thank you for your kind words. I am glad you have found help here. Comment any time you like.

Katherine Gunn said...

Valorosa~

I know that he is only human.

For me, though, if I go in expecting to be disappointed... I won't go at all.

Katherine Gunn said...

Valorosa~

I didn't mean to sound so terse. :-) Just short on time.

Valorosa said...

That's ok

I didn't hear terseness in your written word.

Just honesty.

If you are already standing on the ground you will not fall.

This is my concern for you.

You don't need to be hurt anymore than you already have been.

Katherine Gunn said...

Valorosa, thank you. :-)

Sue said...

Hello my fair lady.

Just thinking about you and hoping you had a great/good/bearable Christmas :) I hope things are going well for you :)

Katherine Gunn said...

It was okay - not bad kind of okay. I may bog about it in the next few days. I'm still on 'retreat' and borrowing a friend's wireless internet connection at the moment...

Thanks for stopping by and checking....