Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Even Odder Space - Update...

Hmm... wow, a month since I posted. I guess I don't have much I know how or am comfortable putting into words right now.


Images that I grew up being taught were evil thoughts that needed to be resisted are turning out to be very early memories...

I experienced, over Christmas break, what it might mean to be part of a loving family. God, that is hard to say without feeling guilty - I mean, my family is loving (twitch)........ sigh.

I am in an emotional/spiritual/mental state of limbo... I'm not sure what is happening or what is next. Just putting one foot in front of the other... go to work, come home, cry... or play a video game or watch a movie to distract my mind from the pain, sleep (sort of), get up, repeat...

Feeling very alienated and alone and disconnected. Need more good friends. Don't have the emotional reserves to build that... my emotions - anger, sadness - are bubbling just under the surface (or not, as the moment may be) and I am not sure how to handle them...

Well, that's the update, such as it is. I have been assured that I am making progress, even if it doesn't feel like it. *shrug*

12 comments:

Erin said...

Hugs for Katherine - and I have plenty of them!

Sometimes I think the point is just to wake up each day and think about what I can learn about myself that day. Maybe that is too psychological...but it's what I work with. One day at at time is just fine.

Dave Faulkner said...

Nothing wrong with taking it slowly. God is gentle. Every blessing, Katherine.

Katherine Gunn said...

Erin. Thanks. I will take all the hugs I can get - and I always return them. ;-)

Hmm... for me right now, the point is just to not give up. Easier at work (busy) than at home.

Katherine Gunn said...

Dave, thanks for dropping by. I appreciate hearing from you. It helps...

Aida said...

Katherine, thanks for keeping us updated.

Dave is right. Take it slow since healing is always a process. My husband had surgery yesterday on a hernia that needed to be repaired. He felt great when he went in but, after the surgery, he's been weak and in a lot of pain. Although the cure made him feel worse than the physical problem, in time, all of the pain and discomfort will be for his benefit.

It's the same with healings of the heart. For a time, it can seem as though things haven't improved but in time, you'll begin to see improvement. I agree with Erin. Just take it one day at a time and allow Father to slowly complete his work.

{{{Katherine}}} Love you much and sending more hugs your way

Katherine Gunn said...

Aida, thank you.

Manuela said...

I like Aida's surgery analogy... much love and prayers... (come by DHW when you can, we're here for you and we're all in the same boat :)

Katherine Gunn said...

Manuela, thanks. I have been checking in there. Not sure how to say some things yet...

traveller said...

I have no words of wisdom but I am sitting with you silently, being present, even if it is only online.

Katherine Gunn said...

Traveller, thank you. That is of more value than most realize...

Sue said...

I hug you KG

((Hug))

Katherine Gunn said...

Sue, I hug you back. Thanks. If I am ever in Melbourne.... I really will. ;-)